Journal 1: January 21, 2020

I read something once where someone said, “I am not who I was a year ago and that brings me so much peace.” I printed the quote out and added it to my vision board. I can see it now from wear I sit, typing at my desk.

I am not who I was a year ago. I’m not even who I was seven months ago. I’m not sure how much peace this really brings me.

Seven months ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend.

Six months ago, I started starving myself again.

Five months ago, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time.

Four months ago, I told my therapist I might like girls too.

Three months ago, I realized I might only like girls.

Two months ago, I wasn’t sure anymore.

One month ago, I cut all my hair off. How this relates to the above six events, I’m not so sure.

I have a book (it’s sitting on my desk beside me) that has words inside to help me explain to myself and to others, but mostly to myself, if I like just boys or just girls or neither or both or everything or nothing or anything else. Reading it, I know I’m definitely not the person I was a year ago. She didn’t have a need for such a book. It didn’t bring me much peace though. Or answers.

Just more questions…